DEAR DEIDRE: LONG before I got together with my husband I had sex with his cousin after a night on the town. It was just fun at the time but the two men have since fallen out and my husband is absolutely gutted.
It happened when I was out with my girlfriends on a hen night nearly ten years ago. We were having a brilliant evening, drinking and dancing after we’d had dinner in a top restaurant in town. I met my husband’s cousin when I tripped over on the dance floor and went flying into him.
He picked me up and we went to sit down. There was no damage done and we ended up chatting for the rest of the night. I thought he was really cute. I was single at the time and when he invited me back to his flat, I didn’t see the harm in it.
He made coffee, then reached forwards to kiss me and I responded. We were soon nearly naked on the sofa and ended up having awesome sex. He was a brilliant lover, with a really fit body.
I stayed the night but although we swapped numbers the next morning, I didn’t hear from him again, which I was rather sad about. I met my now-husband a year or so later and only realised they were related when we met up as a foursome with his cousin and his girlfriend.
I felt too awkward to say anything about it to my husband and assumed his cousin would keep our secret. I am 31 and my husband is 36. We have been together six years and have two children aged three and one. His cousin is 33.
The two men had plans to set up a recycling business together but the cousin backed out and left my husband feeling very let down. They had a fierce row and haven’t spoken since.
His cousin’s girlfriend decided to tell my husband that he had no reason to think we are any better than them — and told him about me having sex with his cousin.
My husband is gutted and angry, and blames me for everything that has happened, including him falling out with his cousin in the first place. I get how hurt he is. I know I should have told him myself at the start of our relationship, but I didn’t, and can’t change it now.
We are trying to work at our relationship but I’m disgusted at myself for what I’ve put him through.
topic4today
AROUND three million Brits identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, and youngsters especially tend to identify as bisexual.
Attraction to both sexes can put pressure on those in a relationship, and sometimes those who have felt pressured to present as heterosexual later realise they can’t suppress gay feelings.
My e-leaflet Bisexual Issues can help.
Email met at problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on Facebook for a copy.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop beating yourself up.
You hadn’t even met your husband when you bedded his cousin, so you didn’t cheat on him or owe it to him to reveal every detail of your past, and it was reasonable to think his cousin would be discreet.
The girlfriend was malicious but your hus-band’s row with his cousin was nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t be apologetic about it.
Tell your husband you love him and you both owe it to your children to strengthen your marriage, not let it run aground over a one-night stand you can hardly remember.
NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I’m desperate to see my sons but my ex is hellbent on making it difficult for me
READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Tony’s ex threatens to commit suicide but Debra’s had enough
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