DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY, I had an amazing one-night stand with a colleague. I still want to be with my boyfriend but I don’t feel guilty and want to explore my sexuality.
We met when we were both 17 and have been dating for five years. Everything is good between us and we’ve talked about getting married one day. Our sex life is awesome and I’m always satisfied.
But I would like more adventure in our sex life — threesomes and maybe swinging. I have talked about this to my boyfriend but he is dead set against the idea.
He got quite upset recently when I mentioned the subject again.
He can’t imagine sharing our sex life with anyone else.
Because we met so young, he was the only guy I have ever had sex with. I’ve never been able to explore other options.
I feel I am missing out on sexual experiences. I don’t want to leave him and, in any case, I may in time discover this lifestyle isn’t right for me.
But I have been thinking about it more lately and an opportunity cropped up when a colleague came on to me and started flirting.
He is 29. We sat together at lunch then went out for a drink after work.
He knows I have a boyfriend but said we could still have some fun.
I was up for it, so I went back to his flat and we had sex. It was absolutely amazing.
Now he is suggesting we make it a regular thing.
I have a big dilemma. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend or leave our fabulous relationship — nor do I want to hurt him by sleeping with other guys . . . or even girls. Yet I still have this deep unfulfilled need.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Is it really a “deep unfulfilled need” stemming from an inner drive, or is it curiosity and fear of missing out created by social media and online pornography?
Being in a committed relationship means being unselfish and considering what the other person wants as much as what you yourself want.
I do understand the downside of meeting someone who seems like the perfect partner when you are so young that you haven’t experimented.
But the reality is you have to choose. Is experiencing a threesome or trying sex with another woman so crucial that it is worth throwing away your relationship with your boyfriend?
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If you believe it is, the underlying issue is either that your relationship is running out of steam as you both mature or you have a stronger gay element in your sexual make-up than you have maybe realised before.
Think this through and make your choice, or your relationship will come to an unfortunate end which will be out of your hands.
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